remember when my day is going to suck tomorrow??
yeah, that made no sense. but it is.
my days keep getting better and better.
i feel so sick right now.
uuugh, i had way too long of a night that was way too chaotic.
i don’t know what’s happening now.
i went from being closed off about my past to telling the one person i didn’t want to tell, my back story and having them hate me for it.
the one time i open up just because i feel its the right thing to do and its just rubbing it in my face that i screwed up.
and now i think im about to lose a friend that i worked hard to get back.
things went from good to terrible today.
fuck.
so this is my checklist for summer 2012… let’s see how i did…
time to make my check off list:GET TAN. (kinda)get lighter hair. (a bit)go outside as often as possible.run everyday.get my left leg to kick again. (partly)get back to how i used to be in soccer (or at least as close as possible).hang out with friends as often as possible.get keyboard fixed and attempt to learn.go to disneyland.see my diamond bar friends more.actually read my summer reading books.
get my 6 pack back (or at least 4 pack).go to the beach.hang out with wyatt.
hike the hollywood hills hike/griffith obsevatory.
take malfoy for a walk.
wear a tank top everyday.don’t say no to any new opportunities.don’t be lazy.have an ikea day.go to the mall/shoppes/all that jazz.do something stupid and not regret a minute of it.have my disney day with becca :)
have my disney day with bahara :)half and half/mall day with amanda :)tie-dye shirts.stop biting my nails.
buy my soccer sweats finally.finish my pokemon game… again.hug a random stranger.meet someone new.take my senior pictures.dye the tips of my hair/underneath my hair.wear less makeup until i don’t have to wear any liquid foundation.go on vacation.get arm muscles.lose 5-10 pounds.eat better.cut out all meat except chicken and fish.show up little bitches in soccer.start coaching little people in soccer.shop online and buy summer clothes.plus more when i think about it…
hmm.. i didn’t do that bad. cool.
“you excited about the cup?”
“yeah really excited!! i we-“
“too bad it took them 45 years while it only took the ducks 14… just saying.”
“yeah, well it really just matters… who has it last?”
so idiot, even my dad hates you now and he barely had one conversation with you. congratulations, you repulse everyone. 
finally went to summer conditioning for school soccer just to realize that there is so much i still can’t do.
fucking lovely.
wow. getting the timeline just makes me realize what an annoying and stupid person i was back in like 2010…
holy fuck. i apologize.
congratulations, feel better about yourself now? i sure don’t.
Anonymous asked 1-100 :D
Have you ever:
1) Self harmed?
- nope.
2) Got into a real fight?
- aha noo.
3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed?
- yeah pretty much
4) Tried to commit suicide?
- no.
5) Had to lie to everyone about how you felt?
- err day.
6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting?
- multiple times, that’s summer.
7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble?
- yeeeee buddy ;)
8) Accused someone of using you?
- yes.
9) Shoplifted?
- naaah,
10) Gotten drunk/high?
- nope.
11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing?
- back in the day they were my favorite, yeah.
12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
- my life.
(Right now) Are you:
13) Suicidal?
- nooo.
14) Bored?
- extremely.
15) Avoiding someone?
- multiple people. i truly hate so many people.
16) Avoiding some task?
- aha aren’t i always?
17) Depressed?
- i think i’m alright.
18) Crying?
- ahaha no?
19) Annoyed with a friend?
- kinda.
20) Worried and confused about something important to you?
- yeah, kinda.
Do you:
21) Get depressed easily?
- no, not really at all.
22) Get jealous/envious easily?
- nooo
23) Feel listening to music can take your mind off things?
- yeah, or put you in an even worse mood, you know?
24) Worry about messing up your relationships a lot?
- mmm no?
25) Try hard in all your classes at school?
- it’s summer soo…
26) Go out drinking?
- naah,
27) Smoke cigarettes?
- no.
28) Smoke weed?
- nope.
29) Do any hard drugs?
- naaah. not for me.
30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why?
- i said no to both.
31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will?
- i’m christian but not practicing.
32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them?
- only some.
33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain?
- disagree.
34) Believe people deserve second chances?
- only people that prove that they do.
35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? (ignoring the religious relation to that saying)
- yeah i do, give and receive.
36) Think things will get better?
- i fucking hope so, i seems like it might but i dont want to jinx anything..
37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished?
- yeah, probably.
38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest)
- i don’t even understand the question…
Preference in boyfriend/girlfriend:
39) Long hair OR short hair?
- like medium. not past the shoulders but no buzz cuts
40) (For Girls one) nice smile OR nice abs?
- smile.
41) (For Guys one) nice smile OR nice chest?
42) Shy OR open?
- somewhere in the middle
43) Eyes OR body?
- eyes.
44) Religious OR non-religious?
- no preference.
45) Caring OR non-restricting of you?
- what? i guess non-restricting?
46) Straight edge OR non-straight edge?
- what the fuck are these questions?? i guess straight edge???
47) Piercings OR no piercings?
- no preference.
48) Tattoos OR no tattoos?
- tattoos.
49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?
- somewhere in the middle? doesnt really matter.
50) Has friends you get along with OR has parents you get along with?
- parents.
Would you:
51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk?
- sure.
52) Smoke weed?
- eeh.
53) Smoke cigarettes?
- no.
54) Get even with someone who betrayed you?
- yes, definitely.
55) Forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who deeply hurt you?
- i have before so most likely.
56) Attempt to kill yourself if everything fails you?
- well everything kinda did fail me in the past so i’m pretty sure i’ll be fine.
57) Keep your faith (any religious view) no matter what?
- yes
58) Join a band as a part time activity?
- i dont know how to play any instruments so no.
59) Feel sorry for someone who is being affected negatively from alcohol/drug abuse?
- yes but at the same time, they need to be strong enough to stop.
60) Stand up for your beliefs if someone strongly goes against them?
- yes.
61) Go vegetarian for a month to see what is was like?
- i wish, i’m not allowed. but i am definitely going to be a full vegetarian when i am finally allowed.
62) Fight someone who was harassing your friends/family?
- uuuh.. i’ll try?
63) Edit photos of yourself before posting them online?
- like self-enhance? i dont think i would.
64) Put up with friends who constantly hated against something you believed in/supported?
- i’d try.
65) Be friends with someone who was nice to you, but a cunt to other people?
- aha yeah
66) Not like someone simply because your friend(s) didn’t like them?
- i might..
67) Lie to someone close to you because you don’t want them to put up with your problems?
- yep! it’s easier.
68) Starve yourself so you fit some certain clothes?
- noo
69) Get surgery on any part of you? If yes then which part of you?
- naah, i’m pretty tired of surgery.
70) Sleep naked?
- noo thanks.
You can only choose one:
71) Black or Orange?
- black.
72) Metalcore OR Post-Hardcore?
- i have no idea.
73) Cellphone or Computer?
- oh fuck. cellphone.
74) Chocolate milk OR Coke?
- chocolate milk
75) Tumblr OR Friends?
- fuck. depending on the friends. probably friends.
76) Apple OR PC?
- apple
77) TV Shows OR Movies?
- fuck feek fook. i cant.
78) Old bands OR new Bands?
- old
79) Pop-Punk OR Alternative Rock?
- alt. rock
80) Reading OR Listening to music?
- music :3
81) Coke OR Pepsi? Define your reason for your choice.
- coke but probably diet coke, i’m just used to the taste
82) Staying who you are OR changing yourself drastically?
- staying who i am
83) Breakdown OR Clean vocal bridge?
- no idea.
84) Jonny Craig OR Kellin Quinn? Define your reason for your choice.
- uh.
85) Ronnie OR Craig? Define your reason for your choice.
- no idea who these people are.
86) Your life as a comedy OR Your life as a documentary?
- comedy.
87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe?
- europe
88) Shoes OR Shirts?
- shoes
89) Chelsea Grin OR Suicide Silence?
- jdfnksjd
90) Drop out of school to get a job OR stay at school and finish your education. Define your reason for your choice.
- education. you can get a better job in the future that way.
Almost over:
91) So far have you told 90 truths? And for fuck sake be honest.
- yeees.
92) Are you quiet about your social life with your family?
- yeah, i don’t say much.
93) Do you want to travel when you are older?
- yes please c:
94) Would you let go of people who mean the most to you to follow your dreams?
- no.
95) Did you notice there are no sex related questions?
- yes?
96) Rather be the opposite gender?
- noo
97) What will you name your son/daughter?
- i don’t even know if i want kids, but for a girl i kinda like the names skylar or stevie
98) Do you get harassed more than most people do?
- nooo
99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason.
- i dont think i hate any bads?
100) What makes you a bad person in your mind?
- i’m a bitch, i drop people really easily, i hold grudges, i do bad things, i cuss constantly, i really don’t give a fuck.
